While children experience different emotions, they don't always understand what is happening or know what to do when they feel a particular way. Sometimes they cannot accuratley express what they are feeling. Young children might also misread other's emotions and confuse, for example, sadness and anger. This makes it very important that adults communicate with their children about their feelings. Parents can help their children understand more about their feelings by reading and practicing the tips below.

Facial expressions and reactions. Children may not understand that their faces and inside feelings are clues to their emotions. Children may need some help to understand how these face and body clues tell what they are feeling.

Understanding complex feelings. Emotions such as guilt and shame may be very confusing to children. They may blame themselves for the divorce. Explain to the children exactly what is happening and why. This will help everyone in the family better deal with the grabbag of emotions caused by divorce. Remind children that the marital breakup was not their fault. A good discussion about the divorce will help children understand the real causes.

Talking about feelings. Let children talk about their emotions. It's one of the best things that parents can do. Sometimes parents want their children to feel good about everything, and it's hard to face it when they aren't happy. You may want to ignore them when children say harsh words about themselves or their parents, such as "I wish I was dead," or "I hate you!" When children have such strong feelings, it is very important to hear what they have to say. Give them a chance to talk. Find out why they are so angry or sad.

Showing our own emotions. Another way to help children understand and deal with their emotions is to let them see how parents cope with theirs. When parents feel sad, ashamed, guilty, or happy, they can talk about how they feel. This lets the child know that it's okay to have these feelings too. It also shows your children useful ways to deal with uncomfortable or negative emotions. You might say that you're feeling sad about things today and then suggest doing something fun that might make you all feel better. By seeing how you respond to thsese feelings, your children can learn what to do in the same situation.

Thinking about feelings. Emotions are not automatic. Different people will feel differently about things. Our emotions are also formed by what we think about different situations. When children are feeling badly about something, encourage them to try to look at it in a different way. Especially in the case of shame and guilt, help children to see whether or not these emotions are reasonable. If a child feels like he or she is to blame, ask some very direct questions: "How did you cause this?" Help the child to see that guilt doesn't make sense. By helping children explore their own thinking, they may realize that their thoughts aren't clear or don't make sense. By undertsanding more clearly, children may realize that blaming themselves or being ashamed doesn't make sense. This may help get rid of these kinds of feelings.

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