Self-Esteem in Adulthood

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,
It's in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me
I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet,
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They can't see.
I say,
It's the arch of my back,
The sun in my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.
Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't dare shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
The palm of my hand,
The need for my care.
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's Me.

Maya Angelou

Chicken Soup for the Woman's Soul

Health Communications, Inc. 1996

I thought this poem portrayed a person with high self-esteem, something that everyone should have. There are two types of self-esteem: specific and global. Specific self-esteem is how much we like and approve of ourselves. Global self-esteem is how much we like and approve of our self as a whole.

As some people get older their general sense of worth and acceptance declines. They tend to dislike and not approve of themselves as much as they did when they were younger. This may be partly because of how society treats them or because they are realizing that they cannot, as easily, do all the things that they did when they were younger. Older people need to have a greater sense of worth and acceptance because that is what will help them live a longer, more prosperous life. Higher self-esteem increases the chances of living a happier life and making it possible to deal with life's ups and downs. We need a high self-esteem because nothing else is as important to our well-being. The level of self-esteem that we have affects everything that we say, think, or do. It affects how we see the world and how the world sees us.

Here are some common self-esteem concerns:

1. There's not much of a self there.
Some people lack self-esteem because they lack sufficient knowledge of who they are and thus feel they have no self to like.

2. I'm a good person - so what?
Some people have well defined self-concepts yet suffer low self-esteem because their sense of who they are is greatly constricted.

3. But let me tell you what I'm not...
The people with this syndrome tend to have extremely high standards for themselves that are virtually impossibe to live up to.

4. If I am good at that, then it really can't matter.
Some people don't see themselves in an entirely or even predominantly negative light, yet they still lack self-esteem.

5. I'm not the person I use to be.
Some people have low self-esteem because of something we call self-concept dislocation, which occurs when a major event in a person's life forces them to change the way they look at and think of themselves.

6. I'm not so sure who I should be anymore.
As a self-esteem crisis can be triggered by the necissity for readjusting our concept of who we are .

- Women and Self-Esteem
Anchor Press/DoubleDay 1978

Here are some tips to keeping up your self-esteem as you get older:

 Get a good education.

As people get older they tend to evaluate what they have done in life, especially with regards to education. People value their education as a primary source of positive feelings about the self which will promote a higher level of self-esteem. Education does not always mean whether or not you graduated from high school or college. Education means any type of learning or training that you received over the years.

Have a good body image.

We are living in a society that is preoccupied with physical appearance. Do not let others get you down. If someone tells you that you look old or fat - ignore them! It is only the opinion of one person. If you are happy with the way you look then leave things as they are. Do not change the way you look just because of the remarks of othters. The only thing that matters is the way that you feel about yourself. If you feel good about yourself, then that will automatically increase the level of your self-esteem.

 Show others what kind of self-esteem you have.

Your self-esteem, also called self image, is how you portray yourself. A person can always look at another person and tell what kind of self-esteem that person has, whether it be high or low. Most people would much rather meet someone who has a high self-esteem than a low one. It has a lot to do with one's outlook on life. A person with a higher self-esteem usually has a better outlook on life, which normally makes them more enjoyable to be around. Having friends is an important factor in keeping your level of self-esteem up because friends are always there to help you out.

After reading this I hope you take some time to evaluate your own self-esteem. If you have high esteem already, that is great; but if not, follow some of these tips and maybe they will help you. Also, seek out more information. There is a lot of published material on self-esteem and aging. There is also a quiz you can take, which is linked from our group's introductory page that will evaluate the level of your self esteem. Going back will get you there.

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