The Looking Glass by Jennifer Pierce
As I look at you a sense of sadness enters my mind You look so full of despair Watching you through my eyes Wondering what kind of thoughts, hopes, dreams you might come to share I am your friend I hope you understand Whatever fears or worries you may have I want to help you in whatever way I can Why do you hate yourself so? Hiding inside yourself Where is the girl I used to know? If only you had enough courage To love yourself as you should I know the feeling of loneliness I wish to help you if I only could For the girl that I am looking at The girl so full of despair Tho one who seems to hate herself so much Thinking that nobody seems to care For the girl that I am looking at The girl that I tend to see Is nothing but a true, reflected image An image I call me......
Self-Esteem in Adolescence
WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM?
Webster defines self-esteem as "an objective respect for or favorable impression of oneself, an inordinately or exaggeratedly favorable impression of oneself." This simply means how you feel about yourself. Dr. Nathaniel Branden said, "Self-esteem is the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness". (Branden, N., 1994, The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, New York: Bantam Books.)
WHEN DO WE GAIN SELF-ESTEEM?
We begin developing our self-esteem as young children. Preference for physical attractiveness begins in infancy (Berk, L., 1989, Child Development, Massachusetts, Illinois State University). During preschool years children have cultural ideas of physical beauty because of media and other people. Early developing girls have less positive body images than boys which greatly contributes to self-esteem. Boys however are the opposite. If they mature early, they are taller, stronger, etc., and have a better self-esteem. Both boys and girls that are perceived as less attractive have a lower self-esteem. Low self-esteem in adolescence is linked primarily to appearance and peers. If a certain individual or group of peers don't include you, then often times you are left feeling unimportant, ugly, fat, or just not good enough. When such feelings are constant many problems can arise. In extreme cases, suicide, anorexia nervosa, bulimia, and self-mutilation can appear.
MEDIA'S ROLE IN SELF-ESTEEM
In todays world there is much more pressure on females than males. Females are often portrayed as these perfect "Barbie-doll" types throughout the media. Young women often feel that they must look like these perfect models. They hold unrealistic goals for themselves, when in reality - even models aren't perfect. However, young girls do not see the other side of the camera. Due to the advancement in technology, we can touch up all the imperfections modles do have. When interviewing a professional makeup artist and former model, Tammy Hammonds, she said, "It's sad that so many young people think they should look like those portrayed in magazines. In actuality, those models have cellulite, pimples, bad hair days, and freckles! They are not perfect." On the other hand, young boys compare themselves to roles models such as Michael Jordan . Again, they put unrealistic goals in front of them. They feel they must be good at sports and have big muscles. We are all different. None of us have the portrayed "perfect life" that movie stars and the media seem to have. Difference is beauty in itself.
FACTORS THAT AFFECT SELF-ESTEEM
We need to help our young people gain a positive self image. When you feel good about yourself you are more likely to succeed in things such as school, family life, marriage, and extracurricular activities. Here are some tips you can use to boost your self-esteem or the self-esteem of others.
Fulfill you"Touch Needs" Having a positive family support system that shows affection can help adolescence feel important, needed, and loved. If they cannot fulfill those "touch needs" in the home, they reach out to the world. Reaching out to the world can lead to teenage pregnancy, drugs or STD's (Lecture given by Marriage and Family Therapist, Lanny Wade).
Be Involved Have a passion for something outside of school and work, such as dance, sports, art, poetry or music. Find something that you can excel in. This will help you feel better about yourself. However, you must be careful not to put unrealistic goals for yourself. For example, don't think you have to be drafted in the NFL in order to be successful in football. Just do your best for yourself, no one else. Parents need to be cautious that they don't put pressure on their kids as this can lead to negative self-esteem. They need to be supportive whatever endeavor their child participates in. Let them have a say in what they want to accomplish. While sports may interest one child, art may interest another. These activities may also help build close friendships with those who are interested in the same types of activities. (Santrock, John W., (1997) Life-Span Development (7th Edition) Dallas: U of T).
Find Out Who You Finding out who you are and where you came from can be very beneficial to those suffering from a low self-esteem. These beliefs provide a sense of belonging and comfort to adolescents as they strive to get through their day to day struggles. Evidence of this is seen in Erik Erikson's identity stage. The identity stage emphasizes figuring out who you are, what you are all about, and what kind of life you want to lead. (Santrock, John W., (1997) Life-Span Development (7th Edition) Dallas: U of T).
Seek Help For those precious souls who suffer with a low self-esteem, one of the best things you can do is to seek help from professionals and loved ones. Express those pent-up feelings. See a therapist that specializes with adolescents. Talk to supportive parents and religious leader to lend you support.
ETHNIC-MINORITY GIRLS AND SELF-ESTEEM
Does self-esteem vary with ethnic background? YES!! At least a team of researcher at Wellesley College believe so. Psychologist Sumru Erkut, PhD conducted a study with over 150 seventh and eighth graders in the Boston area about three years ago. According to the results of the 'Raising Competent Girls' project, self-esteem appears higher in African-American adolescent girls than of any other ethnic group.
Results from the Study: African-American: Scored highest on the measures. They consider themselves very socially accepted and romantically appealing. High academic achievement was the strongest predictor of high self-worth. They consider attractiveness somewhat important, and most black girls were satisfied with their looks. Black girls also tend to ignore the beauty standards set by the media, instead they form individualized notions of beauty based on their own perceptions. Latina: Scored second in having a high self-esteem. They see themselves as enticing to the opposite sex. Good grades are important to them. They consider attractiveness very important. Caucasion: Scored third in having a high self-esteem. However, they did score the highest on athletic competence and second highest on social acceptance. Good grades are important to them also. They are "practically obsessed with their looks," Erkut said. The media plays a big part on their notation of beauty standards. These girls are mostly dissatisfied with their looks, which also lowered their self-worth. Chinese-American: These girls scored the lowest in the self-esteem study. They scored low on feeling socially accepted and romantically appealing. They feel they excelled only at having close friends, being able to follow the rules, and behaving well. Friends' support is especially important to them. Physical appearance mattered the least to these girls.
PARENTS
ATTENTION PARENTS!!!!! You CAN help to boost your child's self-esteem by doing very simple activities. To find out more, link to the following site:
Self-Esteem is Power
TEACHERS
KIDS AND TEENS
USE THE LANGUAGE OF SELF-ESTEEM!!!!!! Language can build or destroy self-esteem. To better your self-esteem, link to:
BUILD SELF-ESTEEM
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