Grandparents

What makes a good grand parent?

According to Dr. Arthur Kornhaber the ingredients toward making a good grandparent are:

• altruism,
• vitality,
• readiness,
• a satisfying life experience as a grandchild, and
• having their own parents involved with their own children (Kornhaver, 115).

Both one's personality and past life experiences contribute to the type of grandparent one becomes. A person who is kindhearted and caring has the two most important ingredients on being a good grandparent. Past experiences as a grandchild could determine a positive or a negative view on how to be a grandparent. The great news is that today Grandparents tend to have a lot more vitality and be in better health than in past generations. If they want, they can likely do more activities with their grandchildren.

Becoming a Grandparent

When is the right time?

Actually there is no "right time". But in many ways there are preferred times. Most people prefer to be in their late forties and early fifties when becoming a grandparent, but this doesn't make this the perfect age. When one's own child has a child it could be a joyous or traumatic event. Most parents prefer their children to have a steady life with a job and a house before having children. This could be thought as an ideal setting, but sometimes things don't always work out in this manner. Sometimes life throws us a curve ball and we have to adapt to it. For example, teenagers have babies. This could be a traumatic experience for the "new" grandparents. They might feel that their own child is compromising their development and future opportunities. They might be feeling that their child is being selfish by putting the "raising responsibility" back on their shoulders. These feelings, among others, can create some challenges for the family.

Some Common Conflicts

Although being a grandparent can be a wonderful experience, there are some conflicts that can occur. Dr. Kornhaber comments in his book "Between Parents and Grandparents" some conflicts to watch out for are:

• Too much grand parenting,
• Too little grand parenting,
• Parents who reject grandparents,
• Parents who stay children, grandparents staying parents,
• Spoiling, and
• Favoritism.

These might not be evident in all new grandparents, but often one or more of these might become a problem in your family. It is very important to look at every option to help solve and identify certain problems.

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