Authors Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, M.D. have written a book about the five love languages of children. These "love languages" are simply different ways love is communicated and understood from person to person:

Quality time: Some children feel loved when they have your undivided attention. Quality time is a parent's gift of presence to a child. It says "You are important. I like being with you."

Words of affirmation: Words of affection and endearment, praise and encouragement, and words that give positive guidance all say "I care about you."

Gifts: Gifts are viewed as expressions of love. Wrapping the present or giving it in a unique way is part of the love expression. Some children feel very special as they open a gift.

Acts of service: Acts of service such as fixing your child's bike or mending their doll's clothes communicate love to some children. Acts of service must be age appropriate and to maintain balance in this area, only do for your children what they cannot do for themselves.

Physical touch: This can be giving your daughter a hug or wrestling with your son, depending on what is comfortable for you and your child. Some children are not comfortable with hugs but still need physical touch. A gentle touch on the arm or back helps meet children's need for physical touch and can make the difference between a good day and a bad day for them.

From the book "The Five Love Languages of Children," here are some suggestions for determining your child's primary love language:

1. Observe and remember your child's expressions of love to you and others. They will usually express love in the way that has meaning for them!

2. Our children ask for many things from us. Review the five love languages first and then try to list as many requests as possible by love language category. The bulk of requests will fall under the language that most communicates love to your child.

3. Notice what your child most frequently complains about. Is it that you never have enough time for them or that you don't play games with them? If so, their primary love language is probably quality time.

Your child will probably have more than one love language, but try to zero in on the primary one. Once you determine your child's primary love language, take actions to meet your child's need in that language. Remember, you will be communicating love to your child in a way that has meaning to him!

Chapman, Gary, Ph.D. and Campbell, Ross, M.D. (1997) The Five Love Languages of Children. Chicago: Northfield.

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