Mesa Legend - ARCHIVES - Volume 38, Issue 14


Volume 38, Issue 14. Today is .

You are viewing
Volume 38, Issue 14.
May 8, 2001

To return to the current issue please click here.

Three totally unrelated ideas

Dave Thurston
SCHWOGGLE WITH DAVE
MESA LEGEND
Sumbitted May 8, 2001

Totally un-related idea number one:
Am I the only guy who gets caught looking at the ladies — all the time?

I try to hide it. I wear sunglasses, and do the classic head turn and cough.

But my favorite disguise is this.

I look the goddess right in the eye, and pretend like I’m pissed off because she’s wearing "that shirt." Then I say, "Whatever, you would wear that."

If I do it right she starts to pose for me. "Is everything OK," she’ll ask.

The more disapproval I display the more she poses for me.

I can look all I want.

Guys you can thank me now. And girls, you can pretend that you don’t like it, but we know the truth.

Totally un-related idea number two:
There are lots of ideas that are waiting to backfire.

1) Selling lighters @ a gestation

There’s thousands of gallons of gas @ a gas station.

This is a bad place to sell lighters.

They should have never allowed flint @ a gestation.

2) Drug dogs that sniff out inhalants. There’s a bad idea, sniffing out inhalants.

3) Paying athletes millions to run faster and jump high, and expecting them not to use illegal stimulants.

4) Then trying to enforce that with drug dogs.

When we do catch one of these athletes (they’re easy to pick out because they’re outrunning the drug dogs) we send them to jail.

If we really want to rough them up we should make them sell lighters @ a gas station.

Totally un-related idea number three:
Did you know that in Mexico they just call it food? No one calls it Mexican food it’s just food? That’s just what they call it there.

In Apache Junction they just call them shirts. That’s just what they call them. It’s just a shirt. No one calls it a wife beater.

Here @ MCC they just call us students, no one calls us alcoholics.

They just call it studying, no one calls it — binge drinking.

@ ASU they just call them sorority girls, …I think you see where this one is going.

I got pulled over the other day. I was scared because I had been doing a little "studying," and I had a couple of "sorority girls" in the back.

The cop took one whiff of my breath and accused me of being a student @ MCC.

Officer Sara Lopez said, "Nice shirt." I could see she was trying to tell how much we had been "studying."

I said, "It’s a wife beater. Where did you get your ugly shirt? Whatever, you would wear that."

She picked up on it right away, sent me to court and I got sentenced to sell lighters at a gas station.

Dave Thurston is the opinions editor of the Mesa Legend and a marketing major at MCC.