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Volume 38 Issue 7
December 12, 2000

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Early Christmas for the Schwog

SCHWOGGLE WITH DAVE
MESA LEGEND
Submitted December 12, 2000

Christmas is different when you’re in college. That nice dinner of goose with stuffing and potatoes is reduced to Nutri-Grain bars and Ramen noodles.

But Christmas is a time to be thankful for what you have. Also, Christmas should be celebrated everyday.

If Christmas dinner is any indication of the Christmas spirit, for college students, Christmas is everyday. I have Nutri-Grain bars and Ramen noodles everyday and sometimes I’ll have them twice.

Every year, my family votes to open one present on Christmas Eve. This year when we voted, we couldn’t come to a decision even after a recount by hand, so we opened all of our presents last week.

My early Christmas presents included a cell phone, a complete outfit from Aberkrispy and Fitch Kream, and an SUV (Student Utility Vehicle).

I answered my first call on my cell phone while in front of the fridge – it was my mom calling from the other side of the kitchen. She just wanted to wish me luck on my finals. I told her that I appreciated that, but she needed to learn from Florida – sometimes it’s just too close to call.

My new Student Utility Vehicle is perfect for college life. My dad’s conversion turned a 1983 Ford Escort into the ideal college car. It gets me to all of the classes I absolutely need, which is a nice way of saying that it starts up on two out of seven days. It has a top of the line Nutri-Grain bar holder.

It comes with a scratch repair kit, or as my brother calls it, "two-hundred lame bumper stickers that cover scratches." Also, it has a dent repair kit, or as my brother calls it, "Two-hundred sticks of bubble gum that double as epoxy when chewed." The dent repair kit teams up well with the bumper stickers.

And what SUV would be complete without a bumper repair kit, or as my brother calls it, "A spare log to tie to the front of the SUV."

This particular SUV comes with a state of the art cell phone screener, to remedy the overuse of cell phones that my mother suffers from.

To top it all off, I put a cut-out of Jessica Simpson in the metal dashboard. I could have put it on any metal surface but chose the dashboard. My brother calls it a "chick magnet." Every SUV needs a "chick magnet."

I hope your holiday is as good as mine was. And I hope you get everything on your list. If you have any left-over Nutri-Grain bars, give me a call on my new cell phone and I’ll come pick them up, fashionably dressed in my Aberkrispy and Kream outfit, in my equivalently fashionable SUV.

Dave Thurston is the opinions editor for the Mesa Legend and a marketing major at MCC.

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