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Volume 40, Issue 14
May 6, 2003
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May 6, 2003
Moons over Mesa
Horoscopes: Conclusion
High stakes as semester comes to a close
By Corey Hunt and
Matt Mueller
Taurus April 19–May 19
This is the end, there will be no more, your life is finished as you knew
it. There are no more love trains, friendship boats, or life savers. You
are on your own, the next four months will represent a journey, a transformation
into the self-reliant person you have always needed to become. With your
new added strength your going to notice some changes as the eye of the
tiger erupts from beneath your calm exterior.
Gemini May 20–June 20
Thongs! No, not for your rump, for your feet! Summer is here and if you
have not broken off your relationship in the interest of summer flings,
well then you are behind the eight ball. The beach is a great place to
start your tan, and face it who doe not look better with one? Put on your
gear, ditch your mate, take the shot for the corner pocket. But do not
worry your mate will be happy to take you back in the fall.
Cancer June 21–July 21
Stop watching from afar as your new neighbor moves in next door. Hop on
over and help unload their house plants. You get to scope out their stuff,
and make a place for yourself as “the cool neighbor.” Who knows
love could blossom, and children could be born. Your good deeds will not
go unrewarded.
Leo July 22–Aug. 22
Heart like a lion and face like a rat. That is what has been holding you
down. Maybe a visit to Dr. Vanity will help your score. A nip here and
some hoovering there will remove that freshman 15. Armed with a slimmer
look on life and in the mirror you may find some extra sugar next door.
Virgo Aug. 23–Sept. 21
The clock is ticking and old father time is creeping up from behind you.The
age of defiance is over and done with. Overplayed like bad piano you need
new ivories. That nasty yellow grill isn't getting you anywhere. A visit
to the dentist for a gold cleaning may help your smile, and don't forget
the ice or the bling bling.
Libra Sept. 22–Oct. 22
Whoopty whoop, it’s that time of the month. Time to pay your bills,
and things in the karma account have dipped into the red.The tax man has
come to collect and you smiling face is not going to change his mind.
A new job is on the horizon, one that can pay for your education and leave
you feeling tingly with satisfaction. This new career will afford many
opportunities to bring home the bacon, just remember to drain the grease.
Scorpio Oct. 23–Nov. 21
Darkness is all that is left for you. You should really change those light
bulbs. This laziness has turned things more sour than a bushel of lemons.
Break out that black book and escape from your rut. Happiness could be
served with just one phone call, or rejection could leave you cold in
the gutter like a used mop.
Sagittarius Nov. 22–Dec. 21
No more pencils no more books, no more tasteless horoscopes. You will
be set free. The time has come for you to bake your own bread, and fetch
your own destiny. The tables have been turned, and dinner is not on them.
Your calloused heart will have to go on. The loneliness will cease as
you call on back issues for help.
Capricorn Dec. 22–Jan. 19
All those TV dinners have left you with a spare tire worthy of a mack
truck. What are you going to do now? Cut the lethargic behavior and do
something for your self. ESPN can only hold your three-year-old attention
span for half of the day. Move along lil’ doggy there is more to
life than slam dunks and wild pitches. All those cheerleaders are beginning
to skew your view on reality.
Aquarius Jan. 20–Feb. 17
This is the dawning of your age! Time to grow our hair out and protest
something. It does not really matter what, just have a cause the more
danger the better. The fish will not bite for a limp line. Bait you hook
with conviction and cast that baby far out into the currents. Who know
what kind of bass you will bring home with you.
Pisces Feb. 18–March 19
Vacation, this is what is on everyone’s mind these days. That and
love. Time to change into a more seductive attitude. Grab a virgin margarita
and relax, you can have it frozen or on the rocks to suit your mood. A
change of latitude will thaw out your cold, black heart. A little surf
and turf never hurt anything.
Aries March 20–April 19
Ok, time to escape. Change your name and get the heck out of dodge. Those
pesky polecats are on you tail and they are not scared of your tacky attire.
Your steed is weary but push on, only good things will come. A change
of venue will provide the color. All those Fresh Prince reruns have taught
you the lessons you need. Heed the warning that the sign says: “Left
Turn Only.”
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