Relationship advice offered to students
Stephanie Lang
Contributing Writer
Marriage and relationships were the topics of the
first evening lecture held at MCC this semester on Feb. 9. The lecture was presented
by Larry
Waldman, who is a licensed psychologist and an accomplished author.
The topic of the lecture was taken from his book “How Come I Love Him but
Can’t Live With Him? Making Relationships Work.”
In the lecture, Waldman talked about several issues that affect marriages, as
well as ways to make a marriage work.
During first segment of the presentation, Waldman talked about the reasons for
marital strife. The three major reasons, according to Waldman, are money, sex
and in-laws.
Waldman also talked about factors that sustain a marriage. “Watch for how
a person handles money, communicates, runs the house, (and) raises their children,” he
said.
In addition, Waldman commented on behavioral communication. “The more positive
exchange with your partner the better your marriage will be,” he said.
Crucial things to consider to make a relationship work include qualities one
looks for in a mate, what partners do for each other and what each mate would
change in the other, according to Waldman.
When Waldman talked about different ways to make a marriage work, he highlighted
some rules that could help a marriage. One of the rules that he considered
to be important was unity. “You need to be unified even if you think your
partner is wrong,” he said.
Waldman said that always expressing feelings was another important rule of marriage.
He also noted the importance of not storing up hurts and of quickly resolving
disagreements.
Waldman used some examples from his own life.
“
My wife and I give each other 24 hours to discuss a concern; then it’s
history,” he said.
Waldman also discussed “fighting fair,” and explained the importance
of arguing.
“
Arguing is necessary to make a relationship grow,” he said, and pointed
out the differences between constructive arguing and other types of arguing. “Most
people argue to win, to reassert their power (or) to vent,” he said.
Waldman also talked about what couples should look for when they attend marriage
counseling. He said the basic ingredients of marital therapy are a “well-educated
therapist and a short memory.”
Overall, Waldman emphasized the importance of not letting past problems haunt
your marriage. “You can’t let yesterday ruin today and certainly
not tomorrow.”
Waldman has lived in the valley since 1973 and he went into private practice
in 1979.
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