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December 7, 2004
Positive efforts reflect on children
David Chapley
Contributing Writer
Psychologist Larry Waldman, author of the bestseller “Who’s Raising Whom?” provided lessons in child-rearing during a seminar in MCC’s Navajo Room on Nov. 23.
Waldman began by explaining the four basic schools of thought: biological, psychoanalytic, cognitive, and behavioral.
Effective therapeutic measures can be taken for all four models, each for specific functions.
The first topic of discussion, “Keep It Simple,” was a display of the tactical procedures used as therapeutic guidelines for treatment by parents of unruly children.
One can only receive effective treatment if they are being treated for a proper diagnosis.
Therefore, how, when and what treatment to utilize is vital to gaining successful results. Waldman stated, “The implication is that you have to feel a certain way before you do it. I don’t believe that is correct.”
The statement was an example of attitudes associated with negative reinforcement and Waldman, a positive reinforcement adherent, stated just moments later, “The issue is that we’re confusing the models. The question is, do we have to feel a certain way to do it, or can we do something and feel better about it later?”Waldman inquired.
“Therapy should be simple, not complex,” he added.
Waldman’s second topic was“Why do children misbehave?” Children constantly demand attention and guidance.
Waldman stated, “The child learns that he gets more attention immediately after bad behavior, and the most valuable thing that we can give our children is time and attention.”
The behavior issue lead Waldman to the topic of“Baselining”.
The practice of Baselining is finding a common ground to reflect on rational behavior. It is used to depict the necessity of treatment.
Waldman implemented this tool by explaining, “When people baseline behaviors, they realize the problem wasn’t that bad.”
The parents’ greatest power to influence their child’s behavior was his next topic, clearly emphasized by his phrase, “The greatest power to influence childrens 'behavior is attention.”
According to Waldman, “while being attentive to one’s child, one should also remember that good always overcomes evil, or in other words, positive reinforcement over negative reinforcement,” adding that, “when kids are behaving
well, that’s when we want to be dramatic; basically, catch them when they’re good.”
The following topic was “Extinction,” or, removing bad-behavior causing thoughts and impulses from the collective roster of the child’s mind and replacing it with more positive feedback.
Waldman expressed that, “kids behave undesirably (whining, screaming, complaining) because they receive attention.
What should parents do?
Since positive reinforcement works on positive behavior, it was no surprise when Waldman
revealed the answer by saying, “IGNORE IT!” By ignoring bad behavior, one can allow natural
consequences to occur.
In terms of punishment, Waldman emphasizing positive
reinforcement by saying, “The best way to change a behavior is to reinforce the desired alternative behavior.”
This can be done by asking yourself, as Waldman stated, “What would you prefer the child to do instead?”
Waldman explained, “The research on punishment is clear.
When a person is punished, the
desired effect only lasts for a short time.
A child must learn to be responsible.
As soon as you try to make your child responsible, they’re not. This is because a child can not be forced into being any which particular way, but can be guided.
The essential goal is to raise independent and responsible people.
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